Occupation: Stay-at-Home-Mom

Warning: I am about to comment on an inflammatory subject. Oh no! You will say. You don't understand! You might add. I do understand and I do have an opinion. And here I shall insert it.

A number of times in my short life as a stay-at-home mother, I have encountered an awkward situation in which others presume that the career of stay-at-home-mom might be interchangeable with that of a daycare provider.

Let me rephrase that so my opinion is clear: A stay-at-home mother is not the same career as a daycare provider.

It seems that many people busy in their own lives misinterpret my choice to be the primary force in my children's upbringing as a solicitation to take other children into my home and be their primary source of influence as well.

Hmm.

It's an interesting idea. And frankly, it can be flattering. Once, I have had a long-standing friend who presumably admired my morals solicit this service. Twice, I have had neighbors whom I barely know solicit my services for in-home daycare. I presume that these people were so impressed with me in exterior perception that they gleaned I might be competent enough to raise their child.

Truly, this is unsettling on many levels:

First, I am not competent to raise anyone else's child. I am a very opinionated person, and if you don't know it yet, I am raising my children to share in these opinions. At some point, my children will rebel against my opinions. But while I can control it, I will try to squash this inclination. In my house, I am the mother and my word is the bottom line*.

Second, I did not choose to stay at home with my children to raise the world's children. Yes, I am an ego freak and I would appreciate having that level of control over others. However, my own children create more work than I can handle personally**, and it's quite insulting to insinuate that adding your load to my bunch would be easily done. Not so.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to let others know that I don't feel badly about my choice to stay home with my kids. For the most part, I love this gig. At times, I wistfully consider what it would be like to be at the top of my career game or back in school full-time. But it's quick. It's wistful. It's not longing or envy. I believe I am doing the job that is best for me and for my family. On certain days, it's glorious. On other days, it's a true test. I guess it's probably the same as most jobs in that regard.

I don't appreciate those who make comments such as, "You're so lucky to be able to do that."*** This type of comment fundamentally undervalues what I do at home. It's really not that lucky to change diapers and work 12-14 hours per day. However, it is valuable that I do this because I believe I am giving my kids an advantage in life by guiding them in their moral, healthful, and physical development.

It's not luck. It's our priority. John and I agreed that this route was better for our kids than extra income or extra vacations, and so, we've sacrificed in some regards. It's a trade-off. Our priority in guiding our children has come out on top of our priority to drive a new Volvo S60.

To conclude my rant, I'd like to state that I really wouldn't let anyone else do my job.

Should you?


*Please note that my word is the bottom line only until I say in a fury to discipline, "You just wait til your Father comes home!!" And I must admit that comes out quite often.
**Haven't posted on this topic yet, but my kids were driving me a little bonkers recently and I've been forced to outsource a little childrearing and a little homemaking. In a limited context. More to come.
***It is certainly a show of poor writing that I have 3 sets of asterisks in this text. And yet I do. This final asterisk is a shout out to mothers & fathers who make every effort possible to be their children's primary influence and simply can not afford to stay home with their kids. Some of them need healthcare benefits from a job. Others battle with a truly unlivable wage. These are not the people to whom I rant today.