Unjust

There are so many moments of motherhood for which I'm not proud. This morning was a biggie. It started out when Tommy refused to eat his cereal, changing his mind after several bites and declaring that he wanted toast. On the principle that we don't waste food, I let him be excused from the table instead of eat his cereal. Then I reminded him that he'd get no snacks because he had wasted so much.

A two year old can't go long on an empty stomach, though: several hours later, we were trying to get motivated and head to the gym, when Tommy threw a high tantrum about his inability to pull his pants down to go potty. I know he can pull his pants down; this has just become an issue for Tom to press, an area of control that I usually allow him because I just want him to get the job done. Over the last few weeks, though, I've pressed him to become more self-reliant since I'm getting astronomical and it's hard to do all those little, bending jobs.

Anyway, if you're a Mom, you can probably envision the screaming tantrum that ensued. Tommy hungry, me frustrated. I'm not sure who was louder or more ridiculous. I yelled at the top of my lungs, he wriggled, laying on the bathroom floor and refusing to pull down the sweatpants. Finally, he peed his pants and I just lost it.

Soon into my tirade, I recognized that I was out of control and that my behavior was doing much more damage than good. I dropped to my knees and held Tommy, shaking and crying. I said I was sorry for yelling, and he whimpered, "I don't like yelling, Mom." I feel awful to admit how horrible I could treat Tommy; how little patience and understanding I gave him this morning.

But Tommy forgave me and went back, in what seemed like the blink of an eye, to loving me as if I'd done nothing wrong. So unconditional. So childlike. So inspiring.

Why can't I forgive things so quickly and completely? Why can't I be patient more of the time? Sometimes life seems to rise up and present these completely simple ideas---fairness towards others, for instance---that are so much harder to act out than I'd like to admit.