Burst of Joy

It was the first time we brought Tommy to church that he truly worshiped God.  Last night, John and I hired a baby-sitter for the younger two kids and took Tom to one of our neighboring Catholic churches.  Our hometown church tends to be more conservative in its liturgy, which we really appreciate in teaching our children about the tradition of liturgy.  The church we attended last night had a more contemporary Mass with guitar-led songs, something I personally relish on occasion and also love for the enthusiasm it inspires particularly in young Catholics.

To say that my heart burst with joy is to understate my emotion as Tommy sang loudly in praise of God last night.  He behaved so well, and John and I finally felt that our efforts at instilling love for God in our children might be helping them understand how amazing God is.

It was one of those motherhood experiences that can't quite be conveyed with words.  One of those hours so rich with emotion that tears of joy pool in my heart (and my eyes!) to remember it.

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9 Months Out

Pass the real food this way.

My dear little Jimmy,

I'll have to keep this quick...I can already hear a few of you nappers stirring. As I put you to bed this afternoon, I fed you a bottle in the darkness of your little closet-bedroom. You wore only a diaper, and I loved that moment of holding you in my arms with your sweet, smooth skin cradled up around me. You reached out to touch my arms and face and shirt as you ate. You were distracted by nothing but food and Mama. I'm late on your 9 month letter, Jimmy, but the secret reason is that I don't really want you to grow up right now.

Your 1st Easter in Wisconsin

In the last month, you've become a different baby. You're still a peanut, weighing in at only 15.5 lbs, but you're long and wiry and giggly and determined. You've begun to crawl slowly and methodically, finding your brother and sister even when they're two rooms away from you. You can pull yourself up to kneeling onto toys, and your favorite exercise is the "plank" position, or the "up" position of a push-up.

This new stage of mobility unites you in the force of the Three Musketeers, and Tommy and Lucy have already welcomed you to the team. Despite my outcries, they wrestle and tickle you. As you eat your meals, your eyes divert to follow their every move. I guess I have to be ready for anything that the three of you might dish out over the next 18 years!

Our Whole Family Easter 2009

Lucy started a 2-morning Montessori program a month ago, which I have loved primarily because it allows me some much-needed time to cuddle my baby. I am a better Mom when I get a chance to be with each of you individually on occasion.

At the 9 month mark, I can't help but remember how you've really doubled your gestational age. Happy birthday, kiddo! I loved you on the inside, but I'm just a sucker for that little grin now that you're 9 months out.

Your,
Mama

Good Afternoon, Internet

I don't have time for you, Internet. I am too busy:

-Cleaning out my purseful of dirty tissue, soccer shin guards, half-full bottles, Advil, Mylanta, sparkling letter stickers, and a brand new iPhone.
-Making a wasp trap for my patio so that I can soak up the sun.
-Planning out how much time I will spend soaking up sun over the next 5 months.
-Procrastinating in writing Jimmy's 9 month letter. And
-Further procrastinating in baby-proofing out apartment to the next level, because

He's crawling like crazy!!

Do You Have to go to the Bathroom, too?

My fellow women amaze me at the need to bond in even the most intimate of circumstances. I guess it shouldn't be surprising that Lucy has already discovered the joy of "girl talk" in the bathroom. Exhaustingly, it has now become part of our naptime routine for Lucy to have a half-hour "potty check" after her naptime book and before she lays down. This is the time of day that Lucy consistently poops.

It has required a lot of effort for me to maintain this pattern in our life lately. At this time of day, roughly 1:30PM, I am totally exhausted and just ready for those kids to go to sleep. Jimmy has already gone down for his nap, and Tommy is feisty and needy of attention. I have to constantly redirect Tommy to a private activity, such as Play-Doh or book reading, so that I can protect this learning time for Lucy.

Still, it's worth it. Every day, Lucy is making more headway on her potty training and we are bonding through girlish chit-chat in the bathroom. As she waits for her bodily urges to strike her, we sing songs and talk about things like the lace on her little pink socks. Today she instructed me on how to pull them up to her knees. I never taught her how to do that, so she must already be taking fashion notes elsewhere.

Outward Perception: On Star Jones and Me

On a rare whim yesterday, I turned on the afternoon Oprah show and settled myself on the couch to hear the Star Jones weight loss story. I haven't been too up on my celebrity info since I cancelled my YMCA membership 3 years ago. Why oh why doesn't Lifetime provide trash magazines? I digress.

Anyway, the interview with Star Jones was profound. For those who didn't watch, a woman who appeared confident years ago was crumbling internally and externally. Star admitted that in her most popular year as a talk show host on The View, she was at her largest weight and was afraid for her audience to discover how self-conscious she had become. She compensated for feeling small internally by putting on a "big" persona---bigger jokes, bigger acrylic nails, bigger hair.

I can relate to Star Jones on many levels, the least of which is weight-related. Primarily, I share with Star the feeling that others believe in me/are confident in me when I do not share that confidence in myself.

Over the last months since Jimmy's birth, I have been on a verifiable roller-coaster of emotion. I described it to John recently: the work-load of managing my three kids, maintaining a clean house, cooking, and keeping up with the laundry was pretty much equivalent to the stress-load of having college finals every single day. Who can live like that? I had an internal stress building and building within me. Every day, I found myself spontaneously bursting little by little....first, an unwarranted yell at my children and next, a unjustified outburst at John.

A few weeks ago, John went to visit his sister, Emily, in Seattle for a stretch of five days. While I was happy at their unique chance for an adult sibling bonding retreat, I couldn't help but feel completely overwhelmed at the prospect of handling all this stress with no back-up at 5pm. John got on the plane, and my stress catapulted higher than it had been since I worked as a crazy dog in event planning.

Four days into John's trip, my brain started to detach a little bit from the situation. I could feel my mind starting to fizzle and fray like a live wire. I started to feel like another 24 hours in the pressure-cooker with my kids was actually unmanageable. Like the kids wouldn't be safe if I continued to be their primary provider for even a few more hours.

That was a scary feeling, folks.

Thankfully, I retained control over the situation long enough to load my kids into the car early on Sunday morning, and drive slowly to my parents house. Twenty minutes from my home had never felt so long. All the while, I kept telling myself, "I can handle driving to Mom and Dad's. I can get to a safe place." And then, in what seemed like forever, I was there.

The story of what happened next is probably equally important, but I've got to get my Goose girl off to her new Montessori school, so your curiousity will have to remain at bay.

I want you to know that even when someone around you seems to have it all together, they may not. Sometimes a bit of probing and insisting to help can make a big difference.

If you're the one cracking inside, please ask for help.

Luxurious Sick Day

Aahhhhhh. The house is finally quiet, and I am holed up in the master bedroom of our little condo. Have I mentioned that Jimmy, Tommy, John and I are all sleeping in this one room? Gotta love the temporary living digs.

I'd like to take this moment to note that sick days are actually a luxury. When I was a kid, I definitely knew this and exploited even the simplest ache to my advantage. I was pretty much on the straight and narrow, so my mom trusted my many sore throats.

Today, after John left for work and I fought through working with 3 kids and the stomach flu for 10 hours, he swept the kids away to McDonald's playland. This peaceful apartment is my oasis of sickness for maybe one to two hours.

You never knew silence could be so wonderful even in the face of the pukes, did you?

And Humbled, Again

Every so often I get fired up about something really unimportant in life. Something that, in the grand schemes of things, means so little. I know I shouldn't allow myself to waste time on an emotion like anger. There are so many ways to expend my energy positively.

After I babble on about one of these unimportant subjects, it's pretty much inevitable that I will be humbled by a story that really is worth my time. A story like the one you will see here.

I actually used to be in a playgroup with this blog author, and I had no idea what life had thrown at her in the last few years.

I remember MckMama as the natural, exuberant person she is on her blog. Once at playgroup, her eldest son threw a huge tantrum and I could see one of the looks of motherhood in MckMama's eyes. It's that look we all get when we are exasperated and our children are just being children, just testing limits and waiting for us to set boundaries.

And MckMama set them. I admired her that day when she, pregnant with one and overseeing another baby, marched her son out of playgroup because he was misbehaving. She didn't give him candy or babytalk to him or unrealistically threaten him. She told him they would have to leave if his behavior continued, and she left.

To those who haven't been a mother as a Hurricane Tantrum unfolded, setting boundaries might seem like a simple thing. But the truth is: setting boundaries is not simple, and moms need to be commended for sticking to their guns. Teaching children the proper way to behave is pretty much a thankless, daily effort.

Anyway, this simple memory delves nowhere in the personal battle MckMama is now facing. My prayers are with her and that beautiful Stellan. This is a family of God.

Occupation: Stay-at-Home-Mom

Warning: I am about to comment on an inflammatory subject. Oh no! You will say. You don't understand! You might add. I do understand and I do have an opinion. And here I shall insert it.

A number of times in my short life as a stay-at-home mother, I have encountered an awkward situation in which others presume that the career of stay-at-home-mom might be interchangeable with that of a daycare provider.

Let me rephrase that so my opinion is clear: A stay-at-home mother is not the same career as a daycare provider.

It seems that many people busy in their own lives misinterpret my choice to be the primary force in my children's upbringing as a solicitation to take other children into my home and be their primary source of influence as well.

Hmm.

It's an interesting idea. And frankly, it can be flattering. Once, I have had a long-standing friend who presumably admired my morals solicit this service. Twice, I have had neighbors whom I barely know solicit my services for in-home daycare. I presume that these people were so impressed with me in exterior perception that they gleaned I might be competent enough to raise their child.

Truly, this is unsettling on many levels:

First, I am not competent to raise anyone else's child. I am a very opinionated person, and if you don't know it yet, I am raising my children to share in these opinions. At some point, my children will rebel against my opinions. But while I can control it, I will try to squash this inclination. In my house, I am the mother and my word is the bottom line*.

Second, I did not choose to stay at home with my children to raise the world's children. Yes, I am an ego freak and I would appreciate having that level of control over others. However, my own children create more work than I can handle personally**, and it's quite insulting to insinuate that adding your load to my bunch would be easily done. Not so.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to let others know that I don't feel badly about my choice to stay home with my kids. For the most part, I love this gig. At times, I wistfully consider what it would be like to be at the top of my career game or back in school full-time. But it's quick. It's wistful. It's not longing or envy. I believe I am doing the job that is best for me and for my family. On certain days, it's glorious. On other days, it's a true test. I guess it's probably the same as most jobs in that regard.

I don't appreciate those who make comments such as, "You're so lucky to be able to do that."*** This type of comment fundamentally undervalues what I do at home. It's really not that lucky to change diapers and work 12-14 hours per day. However, it is valuable that I do this because I believe I am giving my kids an advantage in life by guiding them in their moral, healthful, and physical development.

It's not luck. It's our priority. John and I agreed that this route was better for our kids than extra income or extra vacations, and so, we've sacrificed in some regards. It's a trade-off. Our priority in guiding our children has come out on top of our priority to drive a new Volvo S60.

To conclude my rant, I'd like to state that I really wouldn't let anyone else do my job.

Should you?


*Please note that my word is the bottom line only until I say in a fury to discipline, "You just wait til your Father comes home!!" And I must admit that comes out quite often.
**Haven't posted on this topic yet, but my kids were driving me a little bonkers recently and I've been forced to outsource a little childrearing and a little homemaking. In a limited context. More to come.
***It is certainly a show of poor writing that I have 3 sets of asterisks in this text. And yet I do. This final asterisk is a shout out to mothers & fathers who make every effort possible to be their children's primary influence and simply can not afford to stay home with their kids. Some of them need healthcare benefits from a job. Others battle with a truly unlivable wage. These are not the people to whom I rant today.

Shoes: A Woman's Secret Indulgence

Secret of the internet variety, right?

John and I are attending a fancy dinner & dance fundraiser at the beginning of May, so I can put this dress to use. I am trying to find a beautiful red pump to make the look, but mostly, I'm coming up with bank-breakers. Any friends have something similar and wear an 8 or 8.5? One particular gal should be flyin' in from Argentina soon, and I plan to raid her closet.

Dolce Vita Madison


Kate Spade Keedan


Stuart Weitzman Endeclipse

A Facebook Status Update

Anne forgot that patient potty-training can require one-on-one sessions up to 30 minutes in length. Who has time for that?!

(Lucy and I just spent the last half-hour reading the Potty book, taking each item of clothing off, sitting and singing Mary Had a Little Lamb on the potty, wiping, washing hands, and deciding which Pull-Up had the best reward design.)

Sigh.

This is exhausting work!!

Missed Me?

In my absence, perhaps you have found some peace and a brief sanity break, as I have. Warning: I am overhauling my childrearing schedule and am about to become one of those moms, with a color-coded calendar and an actual life schedule.

I abhor the idea, but I feel it is best for my managerial frame of mind.

I'll be back.

Jimmy's Rockin' and Rollin'

Open Your Eyes

Did anyone else see the sunset last night? It's hard not to notice this time of year. I was driving into Uptown, looking for a parking spot before seeing my friend's hysterical Comedy Sportz show. Turning away from the task for a moment, I caught a glimpse of a huge, almost-pulsing globe of firey red, orange, and yellow.

When I opened Lucy's window shades this morning, I saw the same sun. It's almost like that thing it putting on a performance this time of year.

Spring is just what I need to change my focus in life...to move away from the worries I can't control and to move toward the beauty all around us. The flowers, the green earth, the scent of nature's return in the air. A sun that makes you realize this world is much smaller than it sometimes seems.

How It Is

Often when people hear the ages and quantity of my children, they make the comment, "Wow. You sure have your hands full."

Yes, I do. Please open the doors for me as I take 5 trips hauling my children and their accessories out of my minivan, up 20 stairs to our 2 bedroom apartment, and through 3 hugely heavy doors into #112.

Also note that I am actually so busy keeping on top of these kids with discipline, food, laundry, and cleaning that I literally don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth and it is not rare for me to hold the urge to pee 3-4 hours after my first instinct...because that's how much my kids run me ragged.

Not to complain or anything.

But sometimes I just have to put it out there.

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Faith like a Child

An earnest child simply believes anything is possible. From my Lucy, who saw the evening moon still lingering in the morning sky:

"Do you bring that moon to me, Mommy?"

Mrs. O: A Mother I Am Growing to Admire

I picked up the recent issue of Oprah magazine to indulge my fascination with our elegant first lady, Michelle Obama. As you may know from previous posts, I am still carefully forming my response to this female dignitary. While Mrs. O is obviously thoughtful and pointed in her child-rearing, I grow concerned when I see any mother send out the message that "you can have it all." I am watching Mrs. O with diligent scrutiny because I believe many mothers will see her as a role model for the manner in which she raises her daughters.

I recommend reading Oprah's interview with First Lady Obama because her role as a mother is truly pronounced in its pages. I was moved to read of how pointedly Mrs. O noted, "I want the kids to be treated like children, not little princesses...So the girls help set the table, they help bring the food out, they work with the butler staff." Mrs. O is also making a valiant effort to guide her children towards respect for elders, something I admire and also find not especially easy to do in my own experience as a mother.

The bottom line: Go, Mrs. O. This lady, with her iconic belts and precise, long-range goal-setting for her family, will change our nation in a positive way. I hope that the ethics I admire most about her mothering are the ones the nation continues to see in the spotlight.

And the Winner is...

Lorena! We used a very official process of Lucy drawing your name out of a plastic cup. The odds were pretty good for this contest, but still---It must be the luck of the most Irish! I'm pretty sure you're the only redhead that entered.

I think the best way to send me your address might be via Facebook. I'll get your 2 AMC tickets in the mail as soon as I have your info. Thanks for entering.

I Still Heart Target

Despite the bad economic picture, I still am weak when it comes to Target impulse buys. My poor Jimmy had a double ear infection today, so we had to meander through the aisles as we waited for his antibiotic prescription. As he moaned in my arms, I picked out this delicious Mossimo skirt. It's ladylike and yet has an alternative edge due to its more coarse fabric. It's also pretty forgiving as the layers hide a flaw or two!

Luck o' the Irish?

More like faith of the Irish! Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! May your day be full of joy and Irish faith, even if it's not your heritage. Thanks to Aunt Paula for sharing this prayer card.

If you read on through the prayer to the end of this blog post, it could be your lucky day!




Prayer from St. Patrick's Breastplate

I arise today through
God's strength to pilot me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to see before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to secure me___
against snares of devils,
against temptation and vices,
against inclinations of nature,
against everyone who shall wish me
ill, afar and anear,
alone and in a crowd...
Christ, be with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,
Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Christ.
May your salvation, O Lord, be ever with us.

Is it your lucky day this St. Patrick's Day? I am doing my first-ever Blog Give-away of 2 AMC movie tickets. You can enter the contest by posting a comment by midnight today (March 17). In your comment, please let me know what (if anything) you are doing to celebrate St. Patrick's Feast Day. I will announce a random winner tomorrow on the blog and ask for an email address so I can send 2 AMC tickets along. Make sure to check back on March 18 to see if you won!

"But Daddy, I want a paaaar-ty!"

For those who don't know the quote, it's from that bratty girl on Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Is it wrong for me to want to throw a party just so I can wear this dress?