It was the first time we brought Tommy to church that he truly worshiped God. Last night, John and I hired a baby-sitter for the younger two kids and took Tom to one of our neighboring Catholic churches. Our hometown church tends to be more conservative in its liturgy, which we really appreciate in teaching our children about the tradition of liturgy. The church we attended last night had a more contemporary Mass with guitar-led songs, something I personally relish on occasion and also love for the enthusiasm it inspires particularly in young Catholics.
To say that my heart burst with joy is to understate my emotion as Tommy sang loudly in praise of God last night. He behaved so well, and John and I finally felt that our efforts at instilling love for God in our children might be helping them understand how amazing God is.
It was one of those motherhood experiences that can't quite be conveyed with words. One of those hours so rich with emotion that tears of joy pool in my heart (and my eyes!) to remember it.
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27 April 2009
23 April 2009
9 Months Out
Pass the real food this way.
I'll have to keep this quick...I can already hear a few of you nappers stirring. As I put you to bed this afternoon, I fed you a bottle in the darkness of your little closet-bedroom. You wore only a diaper, and I loved that moment of holding you in my arms with your sweet, smooth skin cradled up around me. You reached out to touch my arms and face and shirt as you ate. You were distracted by nothing but food and Mama. I'm late on your 9 month letter, Jimmy, but the secret reason is that I don't really want you to grow up right now.
Your 1st Easter in Wisconsin
In the last month, you've become a different baby. You're still a peanut, weighing in at only 15.5 lbs, but you're long and wiry and giggly and determined. You've begun to crawl slowly and methodically, finding your brother and sister even when they're two rooms away from you. You can pull yourself up to kneeling onto toys, and your favorite exercise is the "plank" position, or the "up" position of a push-up.
This new stage of mobility unites you in the force of the Three Musketeers, and Tommy and Lucy have already welcomed you to the team. Despite my outcries, they wrestle and tickle you. As you eat your meals, your eyes divert to follow their every move. I guess I have to be ready for anything that the three of you might dish out over the next 18 years!
Our Whole Family Easter 2009
Lucy started a 2-morning Montessori program a month ago, which I have loved primarily because it allows me some much-needed time to cuddle my baby. I am a better Mom when I get a chance to be with each of you individually on occasion.
At the 9 month mark, I can't help but remember how you've really doubled your gestational age. Happy birthday, kiddo! I loved you on the inside, but I'm just a sucker for that little grin now that you're 9 months out.
Your,
Mama
14 April 2009
Good Afternoon, Internet
I don't have time for you, Internet. I am too busy:
-Cleaning out my purseful of dirty tissue, soccer shin guards, half-full bottles, Advil, Mylanta, sparkling letter stickers, and a brand new iPhone.
-Making a wasp trap for my patio so that I can soak up the sun.
-Planning out how much time I will spend soaking up sun over the next 5 months.
-Procrastinating in writing Jimmy's 9 month letter. And
-Further procrastinating in baby-proofing out apartment to the next level, because
He's crawling like crazy!!
-Cleaning out my purseful of dirty tissue, soccer shin guards, half-full bottles, Advil, Mylanta, sparkling letter stickers, and a brand new iPhone.
-Making a wasp trap for my patio so that I can soak up the sun.
-Planning out how much time I will spend soaking up sun over the next 5 months.
-Procrastinating in writing Jimmy's 9 month letter. And
-Further procrastinating in baby-proofing out apartment to the next level, because
He's crawling like crazy!!
03 April 2009
Do You Have to go to the Bathroom, too?
My fellow women amaze me at the need to bond in even the most intimate of circumstances. I guess it shouldn't be surprising that Lucy has already discovered the joy of "girl talk" in the bathroom. Exhaustingly, it has now become part of our naptime routine for Lucy to have a half-hour "potty check" after her naptime book and before she lays down. This is the time of day that Lucy consistently poops.It has required a lot of effort for me to maintain this pattern in our life lately. At this time of day, roughly 1:30PM, I am totally exhausted and just ready for those kids to go to sleep. Jimmy has already gone down for his nap, and Tommy is feisty and needy of attention. I have to constantly redirect Tommy to a private activity, such as Play-Doh or book reading, so that I can protect this learning time for Lucy.
Still, it's worth it. Every day, Lucy is making more headway on her potty training and we are bonding through girlish chit-chat in the bathroom. As she waits for her bodily urges to strike her, we sing songs and talk about things like the lace on her little pink socks. Today she instructed me on how to pull them up to her knees. I never taught her how to do that, so she must already be taking fashion notes elsewhere.
02 April 2009
Outward Perception: On Star Jones and Me
On a rare whim yesterday, I turned on the afternoon Oprah show and settled myself on the couch to hear the Star Jones weight loss story. I haven't been too up on my celebrity info since I cancelled my YMCA membership 3 years ago. Why oh why doesn't Lifetime provide trash magazines? I digress.
Anyway, the interview with Star Jones was profound. For those who didn't watch, a woman who appeared confident years ago was crumbling internally and externally. Star admitted that in her most popular year as a talk show host on The View, she was at her largest weight and was afraid for her audience to discover how self-conscious she had become. She compensated for feeling small internally by putting on a "big" persona---bigger jokes, bigger acrylic nails, bigger hair.
I can relate to Star Jones on many levels, the least of which is weight-related. Primarily, I share with Star the feeling that others believe in me/are confident in me when I do not share that confidence in myself.
Over the last months since Jimmy's birth, I have been on a verifiable roller-coaster of emotion. I described it to John recently: the work-load of managing my three kids, maintaining a clean house, cooking, and keeping up with the laundry was pretty much equivalent to the stress-load of having college finals every single day. Who can live like that? I had an internal stress building and building within me. Every day, I found myself spontaneously bursting little by little....first, an unwarranted yell at my children and next, a unjustified outburst at John.
A few weeks ago, John went to visit his sister, Emily, in Seattle for a stretch of five days. While I was happy at their unique chance for an adult sibling bonding retreat, I couldn't help but feel completely overwhelmed at the prospect of handling all this stress with no back-up at 5pm. John got on the plane, and my stress catapulted higher than it had been since I worked as a crazy dog in event planning.
Four days into John's trip, my brain started to detach a little bit from the situation. I could feel my mind starting to fizzle and fray like a live wire. I started to feel like another 24 hours in the pressure-cooker with my kids was actually unmanageable. Like the kids wouldn't be safe if I continued to be their primary provider for even a few more hours.
That was a scary feeling, folks.
Thankfully, I retained control over the situation long enough to load my kids into the car early on Sunday morning, and drive slowly to my parents house. Twenty minutes from my home had never felt so long. All the while, I kept telling myself, "I can handle driving to Mom and Dad's. I can get to a safe place." And then, in what seemed like forever, I was there.
The story of what happened next is probably equally important, but I've got to get my Goose girl off to her new Montessori school, so your curiousity will have to remain at bay.
I want you to know that even when someone around you seems to have it all together, they may not. Sometimes a bit of probing and insisting to help can make a big difference.
If you're the one cracking inside, please ask for help.
Anyway, the interview with Star Jones was profound. For those who didn't watch, a woman who appeared confident years ago was crumbling internally and externally. Star admitted that in her most popular year as a talk show host on The View, she was at her largest weight and was afraid for her audience to discover how self-conscious she had become. She compensated for feeling small internally by putting on a "big" persona---bigger jokes, bigger acrylic nails, bigger hair.
I can relate to Star Jones on many levels, the least of which is weight-related. Primarily, I share with Star the feeling that others believe in me/are confident in me when I do not share that confidence in myself.
Over the last months since Jimmy's birth, I have been on a verifiable roller-coaster of emotion. I described it to John recently: the work-load of managing my three kids, maintaining a clean house, cooking, and keeping up with the laundry was pretty much equivalent to the stress-load of having college finals every single day. Who can live like that? I had an internal stress building and building within me. Every day, I found myself spontaneously bursting little by little....first, an unwarranted yell at my children and next, a unjustified outburst at John.
A few weeks ago, John went to visit his sister, Emily, in Seattle for a stretch of five days. While I was happy at their unique chance for an adult sibling bonding retreat, I couldn't help but feel completely overwhelmed at the prospect of handling all this stress with no back-up at 5pm. John got on the plane, and my stress catapulted higher than it had been since I worked as a crazy dog in event planning.
Four days into John's trip, my brain started to detach a little bit from the situation. I could feel my mind starting to fizzle and fray like a live wire. I started to feel like another 24 hours in the pressure-cooker with my kids was actually unmanageable. Like the kids wouldn't be safe if I continued to be their primary provider for even a few more hours.
That was a scary feeling, folks.
Thankfully, I retained control over the situation long enough to load my kids into the car early on Sunday morning, and drive slowly to my parents house. Twenty minutes from my home had never felt so long. All the while, I kept telling myself, "I can handle driving to Mom and Dad's. I can get to a safe place." And then, in what seemed like forever, I was there.
The story of what happened next is probably equally important, but I've got to get my Goose girl off to her new Montessori school, so your curiousity will have to remain at bay.
I want you to know that even when someone around you seems to have it all together, they may not. Sometimes a bit of probing and insisting to help can make a big difference.
If you're the one cracking inside, please ask for help.
01 April 2009
Luxurious Sick Day
Aahhhhhh. The house is finally quiet, and I am holed up in the master bedroom of our little condo. Have I mentioned that Jimmy, Tommy, John and I are all sleeping in this one room? Gotta love the temporary living digs.
I'd like to take this moment to note that sick days are actually a luxury. When I was a kid, I definitely knew this and exploited even the simplest ache to my advantage. I was pretty much on the straight and narrow, so my mom trusted my many sore throats.
Today, after John left for work and I fought through working with 3 kids and the stomach flu for 10 hours, he swept the kids away to McDonald's playland. This peaceful apartment is my oasis of sickness for maybe one to two hours.
You never knew silence could be so wonderful even in the face of the pukes, did you?
I'd like to take this moment to note that sick days are actually a luxury. When I was a kid, I definitely knew this and exploited even the simplest ache to my advantage. I was pretty much on the straight and narrow, so my mom trusted my many sore throats.
Today, after John left for work and I fought through working with 3 kids and the stomach flu for 10 hours, he swept the kids away to McDonald's playland. This peaceful apartment is my oasis of sickness for maybe one to two hours.
You never knew silence could be so wonderful even in the face of the pukes, did you?
And Humbled, Again
Every so often I get fired up about something really unimportant in life. Something that, in the grand schemes of things, means so little. I know I shouldn't allow myself to waste time on an emotion like anger. There are so many ways to expend my energy positively.
After I babble on about one of these unimportant subjects, it's pretty much inevitable that I will be humbled by a story that really is worth my time. A story like the one you will see here.
I actually used to be in a playgroup with this blog author, and I had no idea what life had thrown at her in the last few years.
I remember MckMama as the natural, exuberant person she is on her blog. Once at playgroup, her eldest son threw a huge tantrum and I could see one of the looks of motherhood in MckMama's eyes. It's that look we all get when we are exasperated and our children are just being children, just testing limits and waiting for us to set boundaries.
And MckMama set them. I admired her that day when she, pregnant with one and overseeing another baby, marched her son out of playgroup because he was misbehaving. She didn't give him candy or babytalk to him or unrealistically threaten him. She told him they would have to leave if his behavior continued, and she left.
To those who haven't been a mother as a Hurricane Tantrum unfolded, setting boundaries might seem like a simple thing. But the truth is: setting boundaries is not simple, and moms need to be commended for sticking to their guns. Teaching children the proper way to behave is pretty much a thankless, daily effort.
Anyway, this simple memory delves nowhere in the personal battle MckMama is now facing. My prayers are with her and that beautiful Stellan. This is a family of God.
After I babble on about one of these unimportant subjects, it's pretty much inevitable that I will be humbled by a story that really is worth my time. A story like the one you will see here.
I actually used to be in a playgroup with this blog author, and I had no idea what life had thrown at her in the last few years.
I remember MckMama as the natural, exuberant person she is on her blog. Once at playgroup, her eldest son threw a huge tantrum and I could see one of the looks of motherhood in MckMama's eyes. It's that look we all get when we are exasperated and our children are just being children, just testing limits and waiting for us to set boundaries.
And MckMama set them. I admired her that day when she, pregnant with one and overseeing another baby, marched her son out of playgroup because he was misbehaving. She didn't give him candy or babytalk to him or unrealistically threaten him. She told him they would have to leave if his behavior continued, and she left.
To those who haven't been a mother as a Hurricane Tantrum unfolded, setting boundaries might seem like a simple thing. But the truth is: setting boundaries is not simple, and moms need to be commended for sticking to their guns. Teaching children the proper way to behave is pretty much a thankless, daily effort.
Anyway, this simple memory delves nowhere in the personal battle MckMama is now facing. My prayers are with her and that beautiful Stellan. This is a family of God.
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