Occupation: Stay-at-Home-Mom

Warning: I am about to comment on an inflammatory subject. Oh no! You will say. You don't understand! You might add. I do understand and I do have an opinion. And here I shall insert it.

A number of times in my short life as a stay-at-home mother, I have encountered an awkward situation in which others presume that the career of stay-at-home-mom might be interchangeable with that of a daycare provider.

Let me rephrase that so my opinion is clear: A stay-at-home mother is not the same career as a daycare provider.

It seems that many people busy in their own lives misinterpret my choice to be the primary force in my children's upbringing as a solicitation to take other children into my home and be their primary source of influence as well.

Hmm.

It's an interesting idea. And frankly, it can be flattering. Once, I have had a long-standing friend who presumably admired my morals solicit this service. Twice, I have had neighbors whom I barely know solicit my services for in-home daycare. I presume that these people were so impressed with me in exterior perception that they gleaned I might be competent enough to raise their child.

Truly, this is unsettling on many levels:

First, I am not competent to raise anyone else's child. I am a very opinionated person, and if you don't know it yet, I am raising my children to share in these opinions. At some point, my children will rebel against my opinions. But while I can control it, I will try to squash this inclination. In my house, I am the mother and my word is the bottom line*.

Second, I did not choose to stay at home with my children to raise the world's children. Yes, I am an ego freak and I would appreciate having that level of control over others. However, my own children create more work than I can handle personally**, and it's quite insulting to insinuate that adding your load to my bunch would be easily done. Not so.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to let others know that I don't feel badly about my choice to stay home with my kids. For the most part, I love this gig. At times, I wistfully consider what it would be like to be at the top of my career game or back in school full-time. But it's quick. It's wistful. It's not longing or envy. I believe I am doing the job that is best for me and for my family. On certain days, it's glorious. On other days, it's a true test. I guess it's probably the same as most jobs in that regard.

I don't appreciate those who make comments such as, "You're so lucky to be able to do that."*** This type of comment fundamentally undervalues what I do at home. It's really not that lucky to change diapers and work 12-14 hours per day. However, it is valuable that I do this because I believe I am giving my kids an advantage in life by guiding them in their moral, healthful, and physical development.

It's not luck. It's our priority. John and I agreed that this route was better for our kids than extra income or extra vacations, and so, we've sacrificed in some regards. It's a trade-off. Our priority in guiding our children has come out on top of our priority to drive a new Volvo S60.

To conclude my rant, I'd like to state that I really wouldn't let anyone else do my job.

Should you?


*Please note that my word is the bottom line only until I say in a fury to discipline, "You just wait til your Father comes home!!" And I must admit that comes out quite often.
**Haven't posted on this topic yet, but my kids were driving me a little bonkers recently and I've been forced to outsource a little childrearing and a little homemaking. In a limited context. More to come.
***It is certainly a show of poor writing that I have 3 sets of asterisks in this text. And yet I do. This final asterisk is a shout out to mothers & fathers who make every effort possible to be their children's primary influence and simply can not afford to stay home with their kids. Some of them need healthcare benefits from a job. Others battle with a truly unlivable wage. These are not the people to whom I rant today.

Shoes: A Woman's Secret Indulgence

Secret of the internet variety, right?

John and I are attending a fancy dinner & dance fundraiser at the beginning of May, so I can put this dress to use. I am trying to find a beautiful red pump to make the look, but mostly, I'm coming up with bank-breakers. Any friends have something similar and wear an 8 or 8.5? One particular gal should be flyin' in from Argentina soon, and I plan to raid her closet.

Dolce Vita Madison


Kate Spade Keedan


Stuart Weitzman Endeclipse

A Facebook Status Update

Anne forgot that patient potty-training can require one-on-one sessions up to 30 minutes in length. Who has time for that?!

(Lucy and I just spent the last half-hour reading the Potty book, taking each item of clothing off, sitting and singing Mary Had a Little Lamb on the potty, wiping, washing hands, and deciding which Pull-Up had the best reward design.)

Sigh.

This is exhausting work!!

Missed Me?

In my absence, perhaps you have found some peace and a brief sanity break, as I have. Warning: I am overhauling my childrearing schedule and am about to become one of those moms, with a color-coded calendar and an actual life schedule.

I abhor the idea, but I feel it is best for my managerial frame of mind.

I'll be back.

Jimmy's Rockin' and Rollin'

Open Your Eyes

Did anyone else see the sunset last night? It's hard not to notice this time of year. I was driving into Uptown, looking for a parking spot before seeing my friend's hysterical Comedy Sportz show. Turning away from the task for a moment, I caught a glimpse of a huge, almost-pulsing globe of firey red, orange, and yellow.

When I opened Lucy's window shades this morning, I saw the same sun. It's almost like that thing it putting on a performance this time of year.

Spring is just what I need to change my focus in life...to move away from the worries I can't control and to move toward the beauty all around us. The flowers, the green earth, the scent of nature's return in the air. A sun that makes you realize this world is much smaller than it sometimes seems.

How It Is

Often when people hear the ages and quantity of my children, they make the comment, "Wow. You sure have your hands full."

Yes, I do. Please open the doors for me as I take 5 trips hauling my children and their accessories out of my minivan, up 20 stairs to our 2 bedroom apartment, and through 3 hugely heavy doors into #112.

Also note that I am actually so busy keeping on top of these kids with discipline, food, laundry, and cleaning that I literally don't remember the last time I brushed my teeth and it is not rare for me to hold the urge to pee 3-4 hours after my first instinct...because that's how much my kids run me ragged.

Not to complain or anything.

But sometimes I just have to put it out there.

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Faith like a Child

An earnest child simply believes anything is possible. From my Lucy, who saw the evening moon still lingering in the morning sky:

"Do you bring that moon to me, Mommy?"

Mrs. O: A Mother I Am Growing to Admire

I picked up the recent issue of Oprah magazine to indulge my fascination with our elegant first lady, Michelle Obama. As you may know from previous posts, I am still carefully forming my response to this female dignitary. While Mrs. O is obviously thoughtful and pointed in her child-rearing, I grow concerned when I see any mother send out the message that "you can have it all." I am watching Mrs. O with diligent scrutiny because I believe many mothers will see her as a role model for the manner in which she raises her daughters.

I recommend reading Oprah's interview with First Lady Obama because her role as a mother is truly pronounced in its pages. I was moved to read of how pointedly Mrs. O noted, "I want the kids to be treated like children, not little princesses...So the girls help set the table, they help bring the food out, they work with the butler staff." Mrs. O is also making a valiant effort to guide her children towards respect for elders, something I admire and also find not especially easy to do in my own experience as a mother.

The bottom line: Go, Mrs. O. This lady, with her iconic belts and precise, long-range goal-setting for her family, will change our nation in a positive way. I hope that the ethics I admire most about her mothering are the ones the nation continues to see in the spotlight.

And the Winner is...

Lorena! We used a very official process of Lucy drawing your name out of a plastic cup. The odds were pretty good for this contest, but still---It must be the luck of the most Irish! I'm pretty sure you're the only redhead that entered.

I think the best way to send me your address might be via Facebook. I'll get your 2 AMC tickets in the mail as soon as I have your info. Thanks for entering.

I Still Heart Target

Despite the bad economic picture, I still am weak when it comes to Target impulse buys. My poor Jimmy had a double ear infection today, so we had to meander through the aisles as we waited for his antibiotic prescription. As he moaned in my arms, I picked out this delicious Mossimo skirt. It's ladylike and yet has an alternative edge due to its more coarse fabric. It's also pretty forgiving as the layers hide a flaw or two!

Luck o' the Irish?

More like faith of the Irish! Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! May your day be full of joy and Irish faith, even if it's not your heritage. Thanks to Aunt Paula for sharing this prayer card.

If you read on through the prayer to the end of this blog post, it could be your lucky day!




Prayer from St. Patrick's Breastplate

I arise today through
God's strength to pilot me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to see before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to secure me___
against snares of devils,
against temptation and vices,
against inclinations of nature,
against everyone who shall wish me
ill, afar and anear,
alone and in a crowd...
Christ, be with me, Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit,
Christ where I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Lord.
Salvation is of the Christ.
May your salvation, O Lord, be ever with us.

Is it your lucky day this St. Patrick's Day? I am doing my first-ever Blog Give-away of 2 AMC movie tickets. You can enter the contest by posting a comment by midnight today (March 17). In your comment, please let me know what (if anything) you are doing to celebrate St. Patrick's Feast Day. I will announce a random winner tomorrow on the blog and ask for an email address so I can send 2 AMC tickets along. Make sure to check back on March 18 to see if you won!

"But Daddy, I want a paaaar-ty!"

For those who don't know the quote, it's from that bratty girl on Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

Is it wrong for me to want to throw a party just so I can wear this dress?

A Leisurely Saturday Lunch

During the week, I'd liken my lunch routine with the kids to a true sprint. We enter the door in a blast-off, and then I'm piloting the solo run of juggling three children who are exhausted from pre-school, transport, hunger, etc. It's quite a sight to see me negotiating these kids into patience as they wait for ANY food to miraculously appear before them. They just don't seem to understand that healthy items don't come from a robotic, push-button machine like on the Jetsons.

Wouldn't it be great if lunches did?

I enjoy Saturday lunches. As John is around, I have a little more time to thoughtfully prepare. Here is an example of a staple salad I'll make on Saturdays. I'm showing you the 3-plate special for our family, because we really have 3 categories of eaters in our family.

1.) The Mom and Dad eaters:
As you can see, John and I enjoy a "combination" meal with each dietary element mixed into the next element. Here, I've taken simple spring mix and complemented it with goat cheese (freezes well, I usually keep it on hand from Costco), pine nuts, shredded turkey breast, strawberries, avocado and a simple vinaigrette of balsamic, oil, salt, sugar, and minced garlic.

My general recipes for an entree salad is this:
80% Green + Fruit + Good Cheese + Nut + Dressing = Success
Bonus points for adding in extra vegetables.




2.) The toddler, separated special:
Tom and Lucy are still in the age category that generally prefers food to be separated, not mixed. I'm not sure why kids go through this stage, but it's fairly common. I don't tolerate this request for every meal, but for lunches, I often find they will try new foods if they are easily visible on the plate. I am still working at getting the kids to eat any kind of greens, but they each have a few vegetables they'll tolerate, and I consider that an accomplishment. Pictured, you'll see a variation on our adult salads to include sliced avocado, turkey "roll-ups", spring mix, and strawberries.


3.) The baby plate:
Since Jimmy has proclaimed his new stage of eating everything in sight, I make a point to chop up much more food than I'd ever imagine he'd eat in one sitting. He surprises me with both the quantity he consumes AND the quantity that he deflects onto the (carpeted) floor beneath him.
Jimmy loved the avocado and turkey; I supplemented with some baby food since he's not yet ready for strawberries, pine nuts, and spring mix.

Let's Be the Survivors

The odds aren't too great for marriages these days. Marriages have always faced hardship, but in our society, the cultural mindset has swung towards divorce as the easiest response to hardship.*

In a recent discussion with John, I reminded both of us of something we'd heard at a marriage retreat or workshop a short time ago. I might get the words wrong here, but this is the general message:

We don't want to be an ordinary couple. We don't want to have an ordinary marriage.
We are looking to be extraordinary.

Now, before you think I'm just superegotistical, hear me out:
In an ordinary marriage, divorce is just around the corner. In an ordinary marriage, fights get out of control. In an ordinary marriage, people ignore their problems and allow one another to be selfish because sometimes, that's easy.

I can't let that be the way our marriage goes. I have to concentrate on being selfless for John. I have to concentrate on giving my family the edge that will pull us through to the 50-year finish line.


*I want to point out here that I am not the kind of person who sees divorce as never an option. There are some dire situations in which divorce/annulment is really the best of all difficult options. But I want to be clear in stating that I think many marriages fail because it's easy to be selfish in a marriage and selfishness is ultimately destructive in any relationship.

SuperConscientious

One of the annoying things about being me and being a Mom is that, in reality, I have trouble just rollin' with the punches. When I think about my kids and music, I envision them writing symphonies. When I think about my kids and MTV, I worry that Lucy will become body-obsessed and have an eating disorder. When I think about my kids and God, I envision my kids making their pathway not slowly...to First Communion, for instance. Instead, I see them at the altar for their weddings or Holy Orders vows.

I would say that this kind of goal-oriented mindset is pretty much an everyday, every minute occurrence in my life. In fact, there are times when I have to mentally talk myself into slowing down and just enjoying the moment: "Just chill out a little, Anne....it's going to be fine if Lucy just colors Curious George right now and doesn't finish an oil pastel masterpiece."

Ok, I was exaggerating a little bit with that one. But not really.

But seriously, there are disadvantages AND advantages to my compulsive, goal-oriented parenting. (Or at least, I'm about to make a case that there are.)

One advantage of forward-thinking in parenting is that I have the foresight to realize when my kids are subtly trying to take advantage and take control in our relationship. Hang on. I know that sounds weird. But kids are actually champs at this, especially mine.

Kids excel at trying to establish a routine that undermines the parent. Have you ever really watched Supernanny? Have you ever seen how the tantrum-throwers beg for first, a glass of water and then, a different blanket and then, a snugglier teddy bear and then, just 5 minutes of Mommy singing in the room. After the bedtime routine. After the lights out. It goes on and on and onandonandonandon. For my non-parent readers, it is downright exasperating. It's the kind of thing that makes my 14-hour day longer and longer and longer until finally, John and I collapse with exhaustion, realizing we've allowed our kids to control EVERY SECOND of bedtime and we have left no time or energy to connect as husband and wife.

A very detrimental effect.

Anyway, to get back to my earlier point, one advantage of forward-thinking in parenting is that I can acknowledge a bad routine-in-progress (see my She Devil post) and put a halt to it. Sometimes John and I would rather ignore a bad habit that is developing, but really, in the long run, we'd rather enjoy one another for a few moments every night.

She Devil

I'm sorry for the harsh nickname, Lucy, but if you were in my shoes and just experienced a 2-hour tantrum surpassing the magnitude of those I've seen on "Supernanny," you might resort to this and other names.

GO TO SLEEP, MUNCHKIN.

YOU WILL NOT WIN, SO GIVE UP NOW!

Paralysis: On the Economy, Finally.

I have to admit that I have avoided the subject of the ongoing Recession like the plague. I generally an optimist and would prefer not to address difficult topics head-on. (Look at me: I'm still calling it a Recession, when quite frankly, it's heading quickly towards Depression.) Every day it seems I hear more bad news. More friends losing jobs, more people wondering if they will be able to pay the bills next week.

It's starting to hit real close to home, and that scares me.

How is America going to pull through this period? How can I help those around me who are clinging to their homes and their lifestyles with barely their fingernails? What can I do to make a difference?

I just hate to ever admit that I can't.

On the Subject of Gorgonzola

I love blue cheese. Love it. If you need proof, see one of my earliest gourmet creations, my husband's true favorite Blue Cheese Pasta Salad. For a while now, I have tried various takes on a warm blue cheese pasta to little success. Cream sauces with blue cheese strike me as bland and yet pungently overpowering. Tonight, John and I finally agreed on what is necessary to make a warm blue cheese pasta success. Theoretically.
Some of the appeal of blue cheese must be its chunky, clumpy consistency. Instead of sauteeing the cheese in a typical cream sauce, my next effort will be to only slightly melt the blue cheese into warm, cooked pasta.
Pictured here you see one of my failed (though pretty) blue cheese pasta efforts.
On the up side, I discovered a wonderful new texture of pasta called orecchiette, imported from Italy. The consistency was similiar to that of a dumpling, and yet, it was pasta. A wonderful texture to absorb sauce.

The Last Winter Comfort Food: Wild Rice Soup-Encrusted Chicken Breasts

In this final cold snap (conveniently situated in the midst of "spring" break), I created a new winter comfort dish that the whole family gobbled up tonight.

Ingredients
2 C leftover Wild Rice soup (I used the Byerly's recipe with ham, but you could purchase this for your own convenience)
4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
paprika
kosher salt
freshly ground pepper

Instructions
This one is sure to wow any true Minnesotan, especially a man who loves a hearty, creamy meal. Place the 4 chicken breasts in a small glass baking pan. Sprinkle with kosher salt, cracked pepper, and a bit of paprika for aesthetic appeal. Then, slather the breasts with 2 C of wild rice soup.

It's honestly that easy.

Bake this dish at 350 degrees for about an hour. Check on the chicken once, flipping it over and re-sprinkling the other side of the chicken with more salt, pepper, and paprika.

You will be amazed with this easy, luscious meal!